Tips for Obama’s Speech

As he prepares for his speech Tuesday night declaring the end of major combat operations in Iraq, here are some hints for Barack Obama.

  • Don’t wear the full flight suit. Don’t deliver your speech on an aircraft carrier.
  • Avoid any big banners in the background that may later be used against you.  (i.e., “Mission Accomplished”).
  • Walk. Don’t make splashy arrival by jet.
  • Don’t give pundits ammunition by noting that you’re pre-empting “Plain Jane” and “Wipeout.”
  • Stay away from anything that may be considered Muslim sentiments. Nutcases are already running with what they don’t know.
  • Drop any cutesy quotes from Melia, such as “Daddy, when are you going to fix that war?”
  • Don’t load up the speech with mentions of Earl, Katrina or names of other hurricanes you may know.
  • Naturally, don’t dredge up the economy, mosques or any other hot topic.
  • Avoid topical small talk or jokes about Emmy winners, Glenn Beck rally or “Dancing with the Stars” contestants.’
  • Then again, maybe announce the “Dancing with the Stars” contestants midway through the speech.
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