Dumb is the aim of the deliberately absurd new sitcom “The Neighbors” (ABC, 9:30 p.m.), about a family that moves into a neighborhood that is otherwise populated with aliens trying to pass as suburban Americans.
In any other era, this would be a “Coneheads” sketch – five minutes and out. But as this tries to establish itself as a series in the “Third Rock” vein though they try for some touching moments, too. Which never works.
Still, it’s not hateful, with some cast members worth watching, including Lenny Venito and Jami Gertz as the central couple.
It gets the best boost it will ever get by premiering after the new season start of “Modern Family” (ABC, 9 p.m.), a show that not only dominated the Emmys again Sunday, but was the inspiration of a number of new sitcoms this fall, remaining one of the sharpest shows on TV. Tonight, Gloria announces she’s pregnant.
Earlier, they set aside a full hour to the seasonfour premiere of “The Middle” (ABC, 8 p.m.), in which the parents try to treat the kids with a drive-in movie and they just don’t get the concept.
It’s an especially long episode of “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” (NBC, 9 p.m.) to start its 14th season in a multi-part episode about a sex and prostitution scandal that reaches the highest levels of power. It’s chock full of guest stars.
As a prelude for Sunday’s second season premiere on a new night, “Revenge: The First Chapter” (ABC, 10 p.m.) summarizes what happened last year.
New seasons also start for “Criminal Minds” (CBS, 9 p.m.), with Jeanne Tripplehorn joining the cast, and “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation” (CBS, 10 p.m.).
And we get to give a new chance to low quality new comedies “Animal Practice” (NBC, 8 p.m.) and “Guys with Kids” (NBC, 8:30 p.m.).
“Survivor” (CBS, 8 p.m.) got off to a good start last week, with returning players nobody liked and one guy who talked himself off the show.
Can’t believe the lightweight summer reality game show “Oh Sit” (The CW, 8 p.m.) is still on.
The finale of “Top Chef Masters” (Bravo, 10 p.m.) will be a showdown between New York’s Kerry Heffernan and San Francisco’s Chris Cosentino.
A new episode of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” (TLC, 10 p.m.) is preceded by a marathon of past episodes.
New seasons start for both “South Park” (Comedy Central, 10 p.m.) and the sketch comedy show “Key & Peele” (Comedy Central, 10:30 p.m.), just in time for election season.
The month-long Wednesday night salute to Lauren Bacall on Turner Classic Movies winds up with “The Gift of Love” (8 p.m.), “Sex and the Single Girl” (10 p.m.), “Harper” (midnight), “Murder on the Orient Express” (2:15 a.m.) and “Murder on Approval” (4:30 a.m.).
Kelly & Michael: Ty Burrell, Terry O’Quinn. Katie Couric: Sofia Vergara, Adrienne Pine. The View: Julie Bowen, Ann Coulter, Dwight Yoakam. The Talk: Simon Baker, Joshua Morrow, Sharon Case, Justin Klosky. Ellen DeGeneres: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Kerry Washington, No Doubt.
David Letterman: Sofia Vergara, Jonny Lee Miller. Jay Leno: Kirstie Alley, Mike “the Situation” Sorrentino, Richie Sambora. Jimmy Kimmel: Keanu Reeves, Ginnifer Goodwin, Green Day. Jimmy Fallon: Ricky Gervais, Scott Speedman, Little Big Man. Craig Ferguson: Jim Parsons, Dispatch. Carson Daly: Billy Corgan, Andrew Bird, Giles Walker. Tavis Smiley: Chris Cillizza, Iyanla Vanzant. Jon Stewart: Olivia Wilde. Stephen Colbert: Jim Holt. Conan O’Brien: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Emily Deschanel, Jamie Lee. Chelsea Handler: Penny Marshall, Jeff Wild, Heather McDonald, Ross Mathews.