Monday TV: Athletes With and Without Cigarettes

For a truly bizarre world Olympics experience, you may want to switch over to “Classic Battle of the Network Stars” (ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.), which the network dug up probably for the opportunity to see people like Robert Conrad compete while smoking a cigarette against Gabe Kaplan or Lynda Carter.

The events – themselves summer timekillers – were run 19 times between 1976 and 1988 and so answer more pangs for nostalgia than athletic competition. And hosts over the seasons was primarily Howard Cosell but also Telly Savalis, Morgan Fairchild and Donna Mills. Bad TV at its best!

But yeah, you want to see real competition, The 2012 London Olympics (NBC, 7 p.m.) has track and field, gymnastics, men’s diving and beach volleyball.

The “Market Warriors” (PBS, 8 p.m., check local listings) invade the Brimfield Antique Show and Flea Market in central Massachusetts and find the remnants of Fred Willard’s career.

The season one finale of “Miss Advised” (Bravo, 10 p.m.) ends with none of the three matchmaking women close to having their own relationship (thus sweetening the possibility for a season two).

Another two hour of rerun of “Hell’s Kitchen” (Fox, 8 p.m.) says, in essence, we surrender to the Olympics.

The worst trend of reality shows this summer is bringing back evicted people. Two return tonight on “The Glass House” (ABC, 10 p.m.).

Brenda’s investigation gets shut down by the D.A. on the second to last episode of “The Closer” (TNT, 9 p.m.).

Chelsea is understandably hesitant to take another ski trip on “Push Girls” (Sundance, 10 p.m.).

There’s an ice-cream challenge on “Bachelor Pad” (ABC, 8 p.m.) that probably doesn’t involve decorating.

Who says there isn’t life after “So You Think You Can Dance”? One former contestant, Kent Boyd, shows up as a new dancer “Bunheads” (ABC Family, 9 p.m.).

“Alphas” (Syfy, 10 p.m.) stumbles on a fight club.

As it continues to eat up public television real estate for the start of another week, when will someone begin calling for an end to “The War” (PBS, 9 p.m., check local listings)?

Speaking of which, Ramona has a dinner party and invites almost everybody on “Real Housewives of New York City” (Bravo, 9 p.m.).

Allison has grandpa trouble on “Teen Wolf” (MTV, 10 p.m.).

There’s a rerun of the weird special “Perez Hilton All Access: Katy Perry” (The CW, 8 p.m.).

A Daytona Beach hotel gets the attention on “Hotel Impossible” (Travel, 10 p..m.).

With Ricky a college student, there’s a chance that in “The Secret Life of the American Teenager” (ABC Family, 8 p.m.) the secret is that they’re no longer teenagers.

Patrick Stewart visits “Top Gear” (BBC America, 9 p.m.) and makes it is so.

Before Van Halen there was Van Helfin, celebrated today on Turner Classic Moies’ Summer Under the Stars including, in primetime, the original “3:10 to Yuma” (8 p.m) and “Johnny Eager” (9:45 p.m.), followed by “The Prowler” (11:45 p.m.), “Patterns” (1:30 a.m.) and “Battle Cry” (3 a.m.).

Yankees at Tigers (ESPN, 7 p.m.) gets a national audience.

Daytime Talk

Kelly Ripa: Jon Cryer, Derek Hough, Daniel Dae Kim (rerun). The View: Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Marcela Valadolid, Bruce Jenner (rerun). The Talk: Toni Braxton, Mike Epps, Gina & Patrick Neely, Michael Weatherly & Carnie Wilson. Ellen DeGeneres: Robin Williams, Selena Gomez (rerun).

Late Talk

David Letterman: Channing Tatum, Scott Pelley, the Gaslight Anthem (rerun). Jimmy Kimmel: Ben Stiller, Emily Maynard and Jef Holm, the Head & the Heart (rerun). Craig Ferguson: Stephen King, Dave Barry, the Rock Bottom Remainders. Tavis Smiley:  Dwight Henry (rerun). Jon Stewart: Tim Gunn. Stephen Colbert: Pete Seeger. Conan O’Brien: Eric Stonestreet, Dominic Monaghan, Norah Jones. Chelsea Handler: Kate Beciksale, Jeff Wild, Loni Love, Dov Davidoff.