It was the last rose ceremony on “The Bachelor” before Sean Lowe drops to a knee and decides between his two final choices in two weeks.
And you almost thought the guy was maybe deciding to keep the flower for himself. He held on to it so long — waiting more than a minute of silence and tension before he said the final name of the woman whose emotions he would continue to toy with.
Do you know how long a minute of dead air is on television? Ryan Seacrest puts only a few seconds between “This” and “Is ‘American Idol'” and you know how long that seems. This was a full minute or more. You could fit in a whole promo for “Oz the Great and Powerful” (though they did that too).
The pause was odder still since Sean had already said he knew clearly who he’d be sending home that day — unlike last week, when Desiree was discarded out of some weird process of on-the-spot eery menu miney moe (Even that game doesn’t last a full minute).
Maybe they needed to fill in time with just three dates in two hours and no cameras allowed inside the fantasy suites for the overnight rendezvous.
Yes, it was the the traditionally sleaziest episode of the season when the bachelor is invited to try out the goods with an overnight invitation in a Fantasy Suite. Not all women in Bachelor history have agreed to such a lewd offer, especially as it comes amid overnights with two other women.
And two of these women had grave reservations about taking the key and shacking up with him for the night. But all of them did so, in part because Sean expressed “his true intentions,” which is to say “stay up all night and talk.” Which may be a euphemism for a position I don’t even know about.
AshLee, who had her doubts about the suite, sounded as if she was readying an organ transplant when she said “my heart wants to spend some time with him alone.” And as an organ recipient, he seemed interested too: “I knew from the beginning you had a really special heart.”
Catherine, for her part, was worried about “putting a different side of me out there” if she accepted the offer. (which may also be a euphemism; already the phrase that includes the words “putting out”).
Lindsey, who showed up on the first episode in a bridal gown, had no hesitation whatsoever.
All this was happening in Thailand, did I tell you? So it was all exotic locales, colorful local backdrops and the most romantic setting everywhere.
Each of the dates were perfect and had each woman inching toward saying “I love you” (though AshLee yelled it jarringly weeks ago and may have first made her declaration in the audition show).
Sean, of course, doesn’t have to say love at all to any of them but only “I could see myself with her.”
Dude, we can as well.
As the show was winding down he was starting to worry about sending one of them home, especially since he was blindsided by his own ouster by Emily just after his own fantasy suite experience. He doesn’t want any of these women blindsided, either. But if he didn’t say anything to any of them that we didn’t see, the one sent home would have no indication of a problem because everything went perfect in all three dates.
So anyway, in the rose ceremony with all those pauses, Lindsay gets the first rose and after a long time waiting; Catherine gets the second.
And AshLee, who was particularly well turned out for the ceremony, is livid. She marches out immediately (Catherine says to Lindsay: “She didn’t say goodbye to us!”) and she doesn’t look like she’ll say goodbye to Sean either.
She finally agrees to hear him out, but he has no explanation whatsoever, only that she is an amazing girl, blah blah.
He doesn’t say what he did earlier to cameras, which is that his relationship with the other women was stronger.
What nobody said and was probably true is that AshLee was too old, in fact the oldest of all the women on the show this year, at 32.
That’s tree years older than Sean, six years older than Catherine and eight years older than Lindsay.
That kind of thing makes a difference to shallow men and shallow men are pretty much all you’re going to see on “The Bachelor” I am sorry to inform you.
Her seething comments in the limo took notice of how different she was than her younger competitors as well (without specifically mentioning age): ” This wasn’t a silly game to me. It wasn’t a joyride and about laughter and fun.”
Hey, it wasn’t for us, either, sister.
Especially since AshLee was so laser-focused on Sean, it was almost at a stalker-level. Yelling out her love out loud two weeks ago, declaring her adoration every chance she gets, and worst of all, describing her fantasy engagement ring this week. That may bring seriousness a little too far (when Lindsay wore a wedding gown the first night it was done with a little more humor).
A preview showed the finale interrupted by a letter received by Sean at the last minute; I bet it’s a plea from AshLee.