The three-hour season finale of “The Bachelor” seemed longer than a papal conclave.
All that had to happen was one choice between two women. When that finally occurred beside a pond in Thailand, editors made it look like it had a juicy twist: After dismissing Lindsay Yenter, Sean Lowe was delivered an urgent letter from only woman left and his obvious choice Catherine Giudicibefore he had a chance to give her his decision.
Was she dropping him before he had a chance to drop to one knee?
“Sometimes, timing is everything!” Chris Harrison said, goading the live studio audience made up entirely of women on hand to witness the airing.
But no, it was a letter telling him how they were meant to be together, so when she came, he proposed, she hyperventilated and they rode away on an elephant.
It all indicated a lot of scene-setting on behalf of the producers. They must have known of Sean’s choice beforehand in order to time the letter delivery (a moment they’ve been hyping for most of the season). They also needed to know in time to order the elephant, reprising the couple’s final date from earlier in the episode, so far back it could have been before daylight savings time started, that involved Catherine being very excited to be on a pachyderm’s back with Sean.
On the after show, the couple indicated that they were both still together, very happy, and haven’t moved beyond the cliches they’d been spouting for most of the season, so that one would never say the other was “Everything I was looking for” without adding, “and more.”
The big “news” on the after show was that they’d be getting married on ABC in an upcoming prime time special. If he gave her a ring that was part of a product placement deal, why not a whole ceremony where family could be flown in for promotional considerations? No date was given, but you can start making arrangements for the next sweeps period. With any luck Sean and Catherine may be the second actual marriage to come out of 17 seasons of Bachelor season.
Also, Des, short for Desiree, was unveiled as the next Bachelorette. She was the one who seemed the obvious choice as Sean whittled down his candidates; Des was sure he was making a mistake when she only made it to fourth place. They never say last names on these shows but she’s got a perfect one for her fate: Desiree Hartsock.
Now she gets to choose from her own field of 25 guys in a show that will start in the summer.
ABC is obviously trying to build on what’s been a more successful season of “The Bachelor” than it had been by not waiting until fall to start giving out roses again. At least this (probably) means there will be no season of “Bachelor Pad” this summer.
Which is just as well, since that style of randy hooking up that was the hallmark of Bachelor Pad is not the style working on the main show now. This season may have worked in attracting Christians who praised Sean’s gentlemanly ways, his questionable declaration that he had become “a born again virgin” and his stated intention to use the fantasy suite for talk only.
The old time religion built to a head such that the finale had more God-talk than most nights of broadcast TV.
Not only was everyone talking about how blessed they were; Sean said he made his choice between two women he insisted were both perfect for him because that’s “what God told me to do.” Praying helped Catherine get her man and get a heartbroken Lindsay get over the initial pain.
Yet anytime anybody said anything about religion, Chris Harrison pretended he didn’t hear it.
The guy could have used a good line of inquiry about how religion was used in the choices on the show, especially since most of her questions were of the style of : “How in love were you with this guy?” or “How hard was that decision for you?”
Harrison was also big on talking on behalf of the nation based entirely on the reactions of the overdressed women in his studio audience. “All of America has fallen in love with you two,” he kept saying. (Not all of America, I’d say back to the TV).
The worst part of watching the final two with Sean is how little any of them had to say to one another. They never really talked about anything. They’d spout their phrases from candy hearts and hug and that’s about it.
And either because of the editing or of Sean’s own blank mind, there really was no indication which way he was going to go. Although if anything, he made it sound as if Catherine, who was filled with doubt at the end of her date, was going down when she professed her love and he said “We had fun today, right?”
On the other hand, Lindsay was so confident she was going to be Sean’s wife, she never let the alternative enter her mind. Both women said they kept getting strong messages of assurance from Sean’s kisses, though it seemed he was as tight-lipped during those sessions as he was in conversation.
Sean’s accommodating family were welcoming to both women, and Sean’s dad was the touchstone for the most real emotion of the entire night. But his niece and nephew seemed confused to see Uncle Sean’s new girlfriend replaced later in the day with Uncle Sean’s other new girlfriend, as if he was going to introduce them into Mormonism.
As it turned out, Lindsay’s rejection seemed an especially harsh retribution, seemingly orchestrated as if to warn others: This is what happens when you get out of the limo at the Bachelor mansion drunk wearing a wedding dress, which is exactly how she made her entrance at the season’s start.