Hollywood Week somehow became two weeks this season on “American Idol” and following the male performances last week, the other shoe fell Wednesday with the women’s performances.
The first thing you know about Hollywood Week is that there are way too many people there to begin with. Our new roster of judges proved themselves to be more lenient than past panels, awarding dozens of mediocrities the golden ticket that will take them to their next song but that’s it (should we blame Nicki Minaj, who professed her love for the worst performers and talked others into voting through some of the most questionable ones?).
There’s no way to see what actually happens in Hollywood; they tried by showing two or three familiar faces in each lineup of 10. We’d see their performance and then see if they were chosen to continue or to go home (and what of all those other people on the stage we never hear from?).
The most hellacious task on “Idol” each season (aside from the Ford commercials) is getting the singers together in a group to see how they operate. Whatever skills they need to succeed there — ability to compromise, harmonize or get along — is unnecessary in the rest of the competition, which quickly reverts back to everyone for themselves.
Teams were picked by producers this year, saving singers the embarrassment of wandering around looking for allies. But it also meant some truly oddball combinations — an all country singing group with one big soul mama among them, for one, and especially the group who got one particularly manic singer named Kez Ban. Kez Ban is edgy and talky and rough and angular and doesn’t look at all like the other made up dolls with flowing curls. Kez Ban is also unwilling to compromise. After somehow getting through her solo round, she’s in a group where she insists “California Dreaming” is the only song that’s acceptable. The others agree to not immediately dismiss it, for which Kez Ban is thankful (Kez Ban probably gets this kind of treatment all the time).
They choose the Ronettes’ “Be My Baby,” and their performance, which ends the excruciatingly long two hour episode, seems for all the world a train wreck, with Kez Ban the worst of all, voice cracking because of a cold and unable to make the big note in the final chorus.
Still, they all four made it through, and Nicki said their voices were perfection. Say what? She also declared that Kez Ban was a “crazy psycho” which is kind of redundant. But she added “And I love that.”
Kez Ban is probably most like that wacky Star Wars girl Christina Tolisano who auditioned six years ago — except that she’s moving ahead with each round. What’s that about?
The overall reaction of judges during Hollywood Week is enough to make one wonder how they’ll do the rest of the competition. What quite clearly sounded terrible on TV was hailed in the hall by the judges. Other perfectly passable performances were met with comments like “Well that was terrible.”
It’s impossible now for home viewers to hear a singer and expect a judge to have the same reaction. Their votes are just as arbitrary as their presence (Randy was gone for a long spell). There seems little leadership among them; they are just as apt to be moved by backstories and whims than anything that occurs on stage.
So some of the featured singers of the episode, most of whom got a spotlight during auditions, failed to make it.
Chicago’s Mariah Polizza, anorexia survivor, didn’t survive the first cut. Neither did “funnygirl” Ashley Smith, newlywed Ann Difani or the girl who combined country and rap in the first episode, Sarah Restuccio. Not having crutches, as she did during auditions, seemed to hurt Megan Miller.
On any other season, a singer named Zoanette would be the standout personality on Hollywood week; she’s pouting about being stuck with country singers. There is the usual epidemic of singers writing lyrics on their hands, perhaps buoyed by Sarah Palin’s tendency to do the same. Some write whole songs up and down their arm. Unfortunately this tendency causes them to lose their focus and not sing to the judges but to their own limbs. Nicki calls it disrespectful and mocks them by writing her own impression on her hand: “They Suck.” But she still allows the worst offenders to advance.
But it’s natural that they do because the judges also advance Kez Ban, who is terrible, and her group, which is not much better. In fact, Nicki calls them “perfection.” If that’s so, then there’s another big glut of mediocre singers who have to be mowed down tonight, when after a final round of solo songs from the women, the final Top 20 for men and women are finally announced in a show whose length itself will be a Valentine’s Day gift — only an hour.