Kids, let the oldtimer remind you of a time when Saturday night wasn’t the worst night of TV, it was the best. It had the best lineups, the strongest shows, the destination for TV’s top entertainment in the days before you could tape it or watch it later.
Now, of course, it is the worst, followed closely by Friday. On weekends, you’re supposed to go out, TV is telling us, especially the 18-34 year old demographic they most fervently chase. So they load up the once prime showcase as an afterthought, and the Saturday after sweeps’ end may be the saddest of all.
That’s when same week reruns of shows that aired earlier in the week air again, including “Hawaii Five-0” (CBS, 8 p.m.), “Once Upon a TIme” (ABC, 8 p.m.), “Golden Boy” (CBS, 9 p.m.), “Chicago Fire” (NBC, 9 p.m.) and “The Following” (Fox, 9 p.m.).
There is a one hour cut-down of one of the best episodes of “Saturday Night Live” (NBC, 10 p.m.) with Louis C.K. hosting (and appearing as Lincoln). Musical guest is the band fun. It precedes an actual new episode of “Saturday Night Live” (NBC, 11:30 p.m.) hosted by Kevin Hart and featuring Macklemore & Ryan Lewis as musical guests. “SNL” is now not only the network ratings leader for network TV on Saturdays; it’s one of NBC’s biggest rated shows of the week.
The show is really taking over: You can watch a third, really old episode of “Saturday Night Live” (VH1, 8 p.m.) from 1996 with Will Ferrell hosting and Green Day performing.
Even the premium cable movies tonight are subbar. In a place where new movies usually appear, there’s the 1996 “The Long Kiss Goodbye” (Cinemax, 10 p.m.) with Geena Davis and Samuel L. Jackson. From two years ago is Robert Downey Jr. in “Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows” (HBO, 8 p.m.), the sequel to “Sherlock Holmes” (TNT, 8 p.m.), which happens to be playing opposite. But there is last year’s “The Amazing Spider-Man” (Starz, 9 p.m.).
They’re not even showing a cheesy new monster movie on Syfy. Instead, Jodie Foster’s 1997 “Contact” (Syfy, 9 p.m.).
An engine inventer’s murder gets a look on a new “Ripper Street” (BBC America, 9 p.m.).
On the season finale of “Swamp Pawn” (CMT, 10 p.m.), Rick gives his aging father one last tour on the bayou.
Shorty plans a talent show on “Pit Boss” (Animal Planet, 9 p.m.).
Michelle wants to quit “My Big Redneck Vacation” (CMT, 9 p.m.). Davenport, Iowa, is apparently just too busy a place for her.
Joan starts her own uncensored internet radio show on a new “Joan & Melissa: Joan Knows Best?” (We, 9 p.m.).
Richard Gere, Taylor Swift, John Malkovich and Saoirse Ronan are guests on a new episode of “The Graham Norton Show” (BBC America, 10:15 p.m.).
Jeff Zucker’s direction for CNN may be to take it to the depths of E! with such entertainment specials of questionable news value as “Ben Affleck: Back on Top” (CNN, 10 p.m.) and “Beyonce: Finding her Destiny” (CNN, 10:30 p.m.).
Widespread Panic plays a repeat of “Austin City Limits” (PBS, 9 p.m., check local listings).
The penultimate night of the 31 Days of Oscar on Turner Classic Movies features films from United Artists in the late 50s and early 60s, “Around the World in 80 Days” (8 p.m.), “West Side Story” (11:15 p.m.), “The Train” (2 a.m.) and “Toys in the Attic” (4:15 a.m.).
The major league soccer season begins with D.C. at Houston (NBC Sports, 8 p.m.).
NHL action includes Ottawa at Philadelphia (NHL, noon), Pittsburgh at Montreal (NHL, 7 p.m.) and Los Angeles at Vancouver (NHL, 10 p.m.).
In the NBA, it’s Golden State at Philadelphia (NBA, 7 p.m.) and Minnesota at Portland (NBA, 10 p.m.).
And there is a whole lot of men’s college hoops. At noon: Maryland at Wake Forest (Fox), Louisville at Syracuse (CBS), Alabama at Florida (ESPN), Butler at Virginia Commonwealth (ESPN2) and Army at Lehigh (CBS Sports). At 2 p.m., it’s George Mason at Delaware (NBC), West Virginia at Kansas (CBS), Notre Dame at Marquette (ESPN), Wichita State at Creighton (ESPN2) and Massachusetts at Xavier (CBS Sports). Later, it’s Valparaiso at Wiconsin-Green Bay (ESPNU, 3 p.m.) followed at 4 p.m. by Kentucky at Arkansas (CBS), Texas at Oklahoma State (ESPN) and UNLV at Nevada (NBC Sports). Colorado at California (ESPNU, 5 p.m.) is followed at 6 p.m. by Miami at Duke (ESPN) and Harvard at Pennsylvania (NBC Sports). At 7 p.m. it’s Kansas State at Baylor (ESPN2) and South Carolina at Texas A&M (ESPNU). At 9 p.m. it’s Arizona at UCLA (ESPN), Vanderbilt at Auburn (ESPN2) and Rutgers at Georgetown (ESPNU) followed by BYU at Loyola Marymount (ESPNU, 11 p.m.).