If you’re going to wade into the royal wedding at all, my preference hands down is “The Royal Wedding Live with Cord and Tish” (HBO, 7:30 a.m. and 9:45 p.m.) in which Cord Hosenbeck and Tish Rattigan join forces once again to put their stamp on a big event. The the two characters created by Will Ferrell and Molly Shannon first emerged calling the Rose Bowl Parade for Amazon Prime and brought new life into the proceedings.
They had running bits, interrupted the action (to yell at dignitaries the way Ferrell’s Buddy the Elf yelled exuberantly at Santa) and perfectly lampooned the goofy anchors who thought they were doing it straight. Their corny patter was no worse than the regular corny patter, in other words and almost always more entertaining. I’m expecting the same in London, unless they get kicked out.
More conventional live coverage starts way too early – 4 a.m. on CBS, PBS and CNN; 4:30 a.m. on NBC; 5 a.m. on ABC and E!; Fox News at 6 a.m.
But is there even any need to get up for it so early? A lot of the coverage will be repackaged and run tonight in prime time including “Royal Romance: The Marriage of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle” (CBS, 8 p.m.), “The Royal Wedding: Harry and Meghan” (BBC America, 8 p.m.), “Harry & Meghan: The Royal Wedding” (Lifetime, 8 p.m.) “TLC’s Royal Wedding Revealed” (TLC, 10:07 p.m.) a special report on “20/20” (ABC, 10 p.m.),
There is also an original movie whose title might throw you, “Royally After All” (Hallmark, 9 p.m.). But this one involves a couple named Danny and Sara. Fiona Gubelmann and Torrance Coombs star.
Oscar nominee Michael Shannon is pretty good at playing the tough guy, and he does so again tonight on a new version of “Fahrenheit 451” (HBO, 8 p.m.) opposite Michael B. Jordan of “Black Panther” as a fellow fireman who is beginning to lose interest in what they do: causing fire, burning book according to the dystopian picture painted in Ray Bradbury’s 1953 novel (which gets burned too). It may be hard to make young audiences feel the loss when books are eliminated, so they throw in computers as well. Some of Ramin Bahrani’s film is so dull, though, it may leave you wanting to read a book instead.
The second episode of “Patrick Melrose” (Showtime, 9 p.m.) occurs largely in the South of France and reveals what happened to Patrick as a lad that’s made him so unstable as an adult.
“48 Hours” (CBS, 10 p.m.) reopens a 15-year-old murder case in Texas.
Another made-for-TV movie tonight is “Psycho Ex-Girlfriend” (Lifetime Movie Network, 8 p.m.). Not to be confused with the more charming “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend,” this one has an addled ex returning just before a marriage. With Elisabeth harness, Morgan kelly and Thomas Mitchell.
It’s breeding time for the slow Loris on “The Zoo: Bronx Tales” (Animal Planet, 10 p.m.). Earlier, brown bears trash the joint at 8; an otter has to go to the dentist at 9.
Grant Hill, Rev. Run and somebody from SWV discuss commitment on “Black Love” (OWN, 10 p.m.).
It may be the Benghazi of true crime: Two hours of “The Case of Caylee Anthony” (Oxygen, 8 p.m.).
Boston crime boss Whitey Bulger is featured on “Murder Made Me Famous” (Reelz, 8 p.m.).
A basement in Atlanta gets a remake on “Trading Spaces” (TLC, 8 p.m.); “Design by Nate & Jeremiah” (TLC, 9 p.m.) does a kitchen redesign for a couple.
Something weird is happening, with off-season screenings of “Four Christmases” (Cinemax, 8 p.m.), “Almost Christmas” (Cinemax, 9:30 p.m.), “Elf” (CMT, 7 and 9:15 p.m.) and even “Black Christmas” (TMC, 10:30 p.m).
Three Tracy and Hepburn movies from the 1950s are on Turner Classic Movies — “Desk Set” (8 p.m.), “Pat and Mike” (10 p.m.) and “Crime Wave” (midnight). Then come a couple of action hits from the early 70s – “Vanishing Point” (1:30 a.m.) and “Magnum Force” (3:30 a.m.).
Here’s some Saturday night hockey: Game 5 of the Stanley Cup Eastern conference finals with Washington at Tampa Bay (NBC, 7:15 p.m.)
In the NBA Playoffs, it’s game 3 of Boston at Cleveland (ESPN, 8:30 p.m.) in its Eastern conference finals.
Baseball includes Oakland at Toronto (Fox Sports 1, 1 p.m.), Cleveland at Houston (MLB, 4 p.m.), Yankees at Kansas City (MLB, 7 p.m.) and Detroit at Seattle (MLB, 10 p.m.).
There is third round play in golf’s Byron Nelson (Golf, 1 p.m.; CBS, 3 p.m.).
Horse racing’s Preakness Stakes (NBC, 5 p.m.) has an actual post time of 6:20 p.m.
In the men’s NCAA lacrosse quarterfinals, it’s Loyola, Md., vs. Yale (ESPNU, noon) and Denver vs. Albany (ESPNU, 2:30 p.m.).
College baseball includes Florida at Mississippi State (ESPNU, 4:30 p.m.) and Penn State at Iowa (ESPNU, 7:30 p.m.).
And it’s time for the U.S. nationals diving championship (NBC, 2 p.m.).
“Saturday Night Live” (NBC, 11:30 p.m.) marks its 43rd season finale with Tina Fey as host. Nicki Minaj is musical guest on an episode when more cameos than usual occur.