“SNL” already did a sketch about the “Miss Universe 2013” (NBC, 9 p.m.) coming to you from Crocus City Hall in Moscow. The hosts are Mel B of Spice Girls and “America’s Got Talent”; and Thomas Roberts of MSNBC. Among the performers are Emin and Panic! at the Disco. Steven Tyler, who is one of the judges, is also slated to perform.
Literally everything else on network TV tonight is college football: Texas at West Virginia (Fox, 7 p.m.), LSU at Alabama (CBS, 8 p.m.) and Notre Dame at Pittsburgh (ABC, 8 p.m.).
Elsewhere tonight: Southern Mississippi at Louisiana Tech (CS Sports, 7 p.m.), Virginia Tech at Miami (ESPN, 7 p.m.), Houston at Central Florida (ESPN2, 7 p.m.), Utah State at UNLV (ESPNU, 8 p.m.), UCLA at Arizona (ESPN, 10 p.m.), Fresno State at Wyoming (ESPN2, 10:15 p.m.), and San Diego State at San Jose State (CBS Sports, 10:30 p.m.).
A girl dreams of her future in Nashville as a singer in “A Country Christmas Story” (Lifetime, 8 p.m.), in which Dolly Parton makes a very brief appearance. Brian McKnight also stars.
Other new, premature holiday fare includes “Snow Bride” (Hallmark, 8 p.m.), about celebrity journalists who compete.
The night’s other original TV movie concerns sea vampires: “Beast of the Bering Sea” (Syfy, 9 p.m.).
Jeremy Brandt does the Mike Rowe thing as he investigates a lot of wild animal farms in Florida for his new series “Jobs That Bite!” (Nat Geo Wild, 9 p.m.).
Hockey includes Toronto at Boston (NHL, 7 p.m.).
Last year’s remake of “On the Road” (Showtime, 8 p.m.) makes its cable debut. Also on tonight:
Sequels! “Taken 2” (HBO, 8 p.m.), “Iron Man 2” (FX,8 p.m.), “Jeepers Creepers 2” (Flix, 8 p.m.) and “Spider-Man 2” (FC,10:30 p.m.).
Dick Powell is the star tonight on turner Classic Movies, in “Gold Diggers of 1933” (8 p.m.), “The Reformer and the Redhead” (10 p.m.) and “Cornered” (TCM, midnight).
Later comes a pair of blaxploitation films from the 1970s, “Disco Godfather” (2 a.m.) and “The Slams” (3:45 a.m.).
Emeli Sante and Michael Kiwanuka play a new “Austin City Limits” (PBS, 9 p.m., check local listings).
“Saturday Night Live” (NBC, 11:30 p.m.) repeats its Miley Cyrus hosted show from earlier in the season.