Arsenio Hall’s hope was to glide into 2013 as if he never left late night 19 years ago. But the first episode of “The Arsenio Hall Show” looks as if he never left 1994, a time when Chris Tucker, Paula Abdul, Snoop Dogg, Tara Reid and Jay Leno were all A-list names.
They all appeared in the opening night show Monday, though Leno was only in an opening filmed bit on the “Tonight” set; Reid in a bad “Sharknado” parody involving tuna (and in the audience as well), and Abdul to break up a dumb time capsule piece, one of two involving ass jokes.
That Snoop was seen as one great surprise guest gave an indication of the low bar of the show. Snoop also helped out the early days of “Jimmy Kimmel Live” and would probably make a good talk show host himself. But he hasn’t had a hot hit in a decade and didn’t he change his name to Snoop Lion? It would have been a good question for the couch — a sectional with a big ottoman, no desk — but then we are reminded at what a terrible interviewer Hall is, name dropping when he isn’t emphasizing their close personal relationship, referring to potentially funny situations but not letting the guests fully tell them.
Chris Tucker had nothing to sell, but nothing particularly to say either. He fell into repeating the phrase, “It’s great. It’s just great” the way Arsenio kept saying “Yes indeed” after every joke, like a reflex.
Hall’s need to be liked is a little excessive, he smiles and nods and invokes the name of his son, who is probably so embarrassed by this already. The good will helps make the scripted jokes a little more palatable. It’s about the flattest writing on late night you’ll find.
Where once Arsenio was the big alternative, now he has to fight to even be noticed. There’s even another African-American doing topical black guy jokes in the same time slot (and doing a much better job at it), W. Kamau Bell.
Hall needs to just relax, dare to frown or be expressionless, allow his guests to talk and get a presidential hopeful with a saxophone on stage as quickly as humanly possible.